Last few months of my life have been quite different for me as far as my mental status is concerned. There have been lots of mood changes and too much of depression getting in my life and probably they have let me to a state where I don’t feel like doing things which once I loved to. I feel irritated all the time and to add to this irritation, I don’t know the reason behind it. Whether it has to do something to the failures I got in certain competitions in the college or to what I felt during exams or even before that when I was preparing for the exams, I am completely confused but really they have all got too much of depression for me. I was not like this before, depression was not in my dictionary, but yes, the situations were also not like this before.
Too many films, too much of internet, too much of casual timepasses all leading to too much of load just before the exams superadded with the load given by people close to me making me feel for the lost hours. All this led me to a near-breakdown and then came the examinations. They were as horrible as anything can get and only led me further towards my ‘near-breakdown’. The exams were just apt to how I had spent my valuable time in immaterial things on the expenses of my studies. First two papers were like never before. Unlike my reputation of one who helps everybody in exams this time I was seeking for help from everybody I could. I was cheating and only cheating myself. Then came a bit of relief in the last two papers. These were the subjects whom I gave relatively more of the attention and this, to some extent, paid off in the exams (and more so in result as I got honours and gold medal in one of these). The exams were over and a whole new term was before me asking me for better attention this time. The college foundation day celebration were round the corner and had many things for me to participate in. I prepared for all of those and the irony struck me once again as I fell miserably everywhere, be it the quiz in obstetrics or in medicine or in surgery or in cinemas or even the cricket matches. I don’t know whether I ever handled these many defeats together before in my life. To add to the pain was the names of the people who defeated me, I had always seen myself before them in such competitions and over all of these I had my ‘people close to me’ saying me I didn’t prepare sincerely for these. The ‘near-breakdown’ was again a lot nearer.
Then came 25th February. I was awarded the gold medal for Pathology + Microbiology topper in the 2nd MBBS exam. Then came the week of nikki didi’s (my cousin) wedding in Dhanbad which ended with another good news for me with the results of 3rd MBBS where again I got honours in E.N.T. Of course, last few weeks have not been so bad for me as the earlier ones, but “बीते हुए लम्हों की कसक साथ तो होगी”………………..